How much are you really worth as a stay-at-home dad?
Would you like a six-figure salary for being a stay-at-home-dad?
There has been a lot written lately about how much it would cost if stay at home mums were to charge their time out at an hourly rate. The figure ranged between £45,000 to £65,000 or $79,000 to $100,000. That was for a stay-at-home mum. If you take into account pay inequality, the so called gender-gap, you can add nearly 20% on to that for a stay-at-home dad. Of course there shouldn’t be a gender gap but the statistics don’t lie. You need to also remember that a lot of these statistics are are compiled by men who are naturally inclined to add an extra 20% when measuring things!
I’ve been doing some calculations of my own because I think a lot of things are being missed out of these calculations. My estimate of what a stay-at-home dad is worth came to a staggering £135,677.11 a year or $203,515.67.
You see, where these other estimates were going wrong was that they just weren’t comprehensive enough. In other words, they left a lot of stuff out.
When you take the time, and believe it or not there is an hourly rate for taking your time (£0.05 / hr), it’s not difficult to get to the real truth about what makes up your average stay-at-home dad’s day is made up of.
I’m going to share my break down with you so the awesome truth can be revealed.
First we have to know how many hours there are in a week and how many hours are for sleep and how many are for work. You’ll notice that relaxation is a zero hours contract. Which means exactly what it says on the tin, zero.
I’ve based this on getting a solid seven hours sleep per night. If however you are father to a child under one then this should be reduced to two maybe three if you are lucky.
There are 51 stay-at-home dad billable activities listed in the table below, but I feel I’ve only begun to scratch the surface with this bad boy.
In case you are reading that on mobile here is the list of jobs you could or should charge for...
|What's your day been like listener (councellor/trade union rep)|
|Bedtime story teller (with vocal characterisations)|
|Stand up Comedian (Speciality Dad Jokes)|
|Mobile Phone Consultant|
|Wilted houseplant doctor|
|Dog poo picker upper|
|What's this virus on my laptop fixer (Tech Support)|
|Crusty nose cleaner|
|Dog hair vacuumer (ok this is cleaning)|
|Nose hair plucker|
|Bath runner (and back scrubber, if you're lucky)|
|Fart judge (and part time fart under the quilt head holder)|
|Child car seat installer and remover|
|Trash taker outer|
|Bottom of the dustbin gunk scraper|
|Empty toilet roll changer|
|Burnt on barbeque chicken oven dish scraper|
|Sauce bottle banger|
|Lost tent peg finder (Technically a job share)|
|Goldfish Funeral Director|
|World record plastic shopping bag holder|
|Secret battery stash hider|
|Paddling pool filler|
|Tent erector (and air bed blowerupper)|
|Suitcase from the top of wardrobe lifter|
|Jar lid remover|
|Calendar page turner|
Okay this is with a massive tongue in cheek, but I’ve had a stab at realism when it comes to the hourly rates and where possible I’ve tried to look-up what the actual rates might be. Believe it or not there isn’t a Wikipedia page that covers the pay scales for Sauce Bottle Bangers.
Opportunity there for a stay-at-home dad Wikipedia researcher,
I could have put an ‘Importance’ rank into the mix but that would be so subjective it would turn this serious academic study into a laughing stock.
Strangely enough, ‘Listening to your day’ came out top of the list in terms of cost but I’m sure you dad’s will agree that this is actually priceless and would always rank highest in any marital cost benefit analysis.
A spin off from this research was discovering that Google Sheets has an Insights do dah that pops up when you make a table. It gives you loads of charts and different ways to slice your data. I have spent over twenty years as an Information Analyst and this kind of stuff used to take me hours. But the Google Gods have waved their magic wand and all this analytical stuff appears without even having to ask for it. I could be out of a day job!
One for the statto geeks...
It’s all good stuff. But what does it mean?
I’ve included all the typical jobs that dads get lumbered with. Apologies to mums, I’m sure their list is much much bigger. That’s probably not enough grovelling. Mental note, add ‘grovelling to spouse’ to the list.
The sceptics among you will be saying that Goldfish Funeral Director isn’t really going to be a job you’ll be performing every week,and you would be correct. However, it get’s on the list, not because we own an aquarium that counts as a local tourist attraction, but it is a task that crops up over the year. Obviously that goes for a lot of other items on the list and I’ve attempted to average this stuff out. After all they are important dad functions and form the bricks with which we build our self worth.
The big point to all this hilarity is not what makes the list but what can’t be put on the list. It’s the comfort factor for your kids in having a parent to hand to lend a hand. Cuddles should definitely be on the list. Knowing that dad/mum will turn up in the crisp packet, biscuit crumb ridden taxi to collect from gymnastics, swimming club, football practice, friends sleepover, whatever.
You can’t put a price or a cost analysis on just being there for ‘the family’.
However I know that being able to stay at home with the kids for either parent is an El Dorado for a lot of couples who both have to work to make ends meet. I guess you have to work out what is the most important thing for you.
Are stay-at-home dads the new black?
So what would be on your list? Let me know in the comments below. Thinking what to put in the comments counts as an activity, as does staring into space. Go on, you know you want to, we won’t laugh. Well we might, but putting yourself out there is all good parent practice.
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